"Here's to the ladies who lunch: everybody laugh."

So, this was a great weekend, but it brought up some difficult issues--ones that I don't necessarily know how to handle. Even though it may not seem like it by the outcome of my actions, I really do try to do "the right thing" as much as possible. Some of these bad outcomes reared their ugly heads again after having been buried for a while. I'll explain (minus any indicating details--although the situations may well give away people's identities) the best I can my frustrations at the types of situations that have been created in the context of my weekend's plans.

On Friday, A.O. Scott wrote a truly stellar review of Mysterious Skin in the New York Times. The subject matter (pedophilia and the effects it has on two boys who experience it) seemed pretty brutal but something worth visiting. The film is only playing on one screen in New York, and--when I went to the theater's website to see if you could buy tickets on-line--I discovered that the film's star and author of the book upon which the film was based were going to appear in person. While I was never a huge "Third Rock From the Sun" fan, I do love 10 Things I Hate About You and the prospect of seeing how Joseph Gordon-Levitt turned out pushed me over the edge. My roommate and I decided to go. Cut to that evening: the movie theater is one of those old ones where the floor does not slope, so we sat up front since a tall person in front of her makes the movie not worth it for my roommate (i.e. she's about 9 inches shorter than I am). To make a much longer story slightly shorter, I glance to the end of the row, and one of my ex-boyfriend's suitemates is sitting at the end of the aisle. Despite the fact that he (and all of those boys) hate me, I smacked him in the arm as he was leaving the theater and said, "Hi!" It turns out that he not only hates me, but is also not my roommate's biggest fan--which I found out after I stopped him. She, too, dated one of his former roommates--and during neither experience was either of us at our best. In other words, he is completely justified in disliking me (I don't know about my roommate's situation). In any case, seeing him brought back memories of the awkward things I've said that weren't meant to be b*tchy or hurtful but wound up having that effect--essentially things that at the time I meant as jokes but, reflecting upon them now, may have actually come from a bad place, a place of hurt. Anyway, enough being down on myself for that . . .

The next morning, I met up with Ed and went to the Museum of Natural History. I realized that I've never spent more than about five minutes alone with him before (not for any reason; just hasn't happened), and he's really great! We looked at the dinosaurs, he humored my requests to take pictures of a picture I took of Tim among the photos of Bolivia (where Tim currently is spending six months), and we came very close to buying a pottery wheel so that we could spend the rest of the afternoon throwing pottery and eating Astronaut Ice Cream. I bought a print of "Once In a Blue Moon" on the street (strangely, reversed from the picture on the website). I'm head-over-heels for his work. Over lunch (at the Ray's Pizza I grew up eating), the next awkward issue reared. I fear that I hurt one of my very best friends of all time when I was more honest with her than I probably should have been. During lunch, however, I discovered that the observations/facts on which I based my words were not fully hatched. In other words, I didn't know the fully story . . . and the version upon which I was operating was better than the real version. The problem is that the whole issue is fairly buried by this point. It's the elephant in the room. Part of me desperately wants to tell the friend the new information because I care for her so much that I can't stand to see her being duped, lied to, and hurt; the biggest part of me, however, knows that my words will have no ultimate effect, other than to make me come off as someone who is vindictive and h*llbent on getting her way. I've already alienated myself so much and I miss her so much that I don't want to risk hurting either of us any more.

My last tough spot happened not long ago, and is in large part one of the reasons I'm being so vague and confusing in my writing. Earlier today I stumbled across some inflamatory writing on-line directed at a friend who is unaware of its existence. Just knowing that it's out there is making me feel very guilty for not saying anything, but at the same time, telling this friend would result in pain and hurt. Chances are, if you're reading this (if anyone's actually reading this . . .), it's not you because I'm 99% certain that this friend does not know my blog exists.

So, yeah . . . that's that. On a side note, Mysterious Skin was one of the most amazing films I've seen in a long time. I know that it will be maligned and hated by many, many people; in addition to dealing with pedophilia, a large focus of the film revolves around/involves homosexual prostitution. But this is truly one of the most honest, simple (in a good way), and moving films I've ever seen. It was very hard to watch at times, and I broke down in tears at unexpected places, but . . . wow. I have no words. On a much lighter note: Joseph Gordon-Levitt has turned into quite the fine-looking young man. ;) I definitely fell for him quite a bit during the Q&A. Also, I had no idea that he had the performance that he give in him. Wow.